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Inner Darkness: "how i became a warrior" von J. Foster

Once, i ran from fear; so fear controlled me.

Until i learne to hold fear like a newborn.

Listen to it, but not give in. Honour it, but not worship it.

Fear could not stop me anymore.

I walked with courage into the storm.

I still have fear, but it does not have me.

Once, i was ashamed of who i was.

I invited shame into my heart. I let it burn.

It told me, "I am only trying to protect your vulnerability".

I thanked shame dearly, and stepped into life anyway,

unashamed, with shame as a lover.

Once, I had great sadness, buried deep inside.

I invited it to come out and play.

I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry.

And i found joy right there. Right at the core of my sorrow.

It was heartbreak that taught me how to love.

Once i had anxiety.

A mind that wouldn´t stop. Thoughts that wouldn´t be silent.

So i stopped trying to silence them.

And i dropped out of the mind, and into the Earth. Into the mud.

Where i was held strong, like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

Once, anger burned in the depths.

I called anger into the light of myself.

I felt its shocking power.

I let my heard pound and my blood boil.

Listend to it, finally.

And i screamed,

"respect yourself fiercely now!"; "Speak your truth with passion!";

"Say no when you mean no!"; "Walk your path with courage!"; "Let no one speak for you!"

Anger became an honest friend. A truthful guide.

A beautiful wild child.

Once, loneliness cut deep.

I tried to distract and numb myself.

Ran to people and places and things.

Even pretended i was "happy".

But soon i could not run anymore.

And tumbled into the heart of loneliness.

And i died and was reborn into an exquisite solitude and stillness.

That connected me to all things.

So i was not lonely, but alone with all life.

My heart One with all other hearts.

Once i ran from difficult feelings.

Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,

and they all have dignity.

I am sensitive, soft, fragile,

my arms wrapped around all my inner children.

And in my sensitivity, power.

In my fragility, an unshakeable presence.

In the depths of my wounds, in what i named "darkness",

I found a blazing light

that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior

when i turned towards myself.

And started listening.

Author: Jeff Foster

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